The world sells transformation as a glow-up. Clean lines, step-by-step plans, and perfectly timed "after" photos. While real growth might end with a glow, the journey is full of blisters, broken pieces, tears, and a whole lot of 'What the hell is this?" 

The world celebrates transformation when it looks like a reveal. But the real work happens in motion. When you're crying in your car after doing what you swore you'd never do again, but you get up and still show up for yourself tomorrow. Transformation happens in the moments when you doubt, restart, and try again anyway.

Yet we're taught to fear the messy middle and to avoid disclosing the wobble between who we were and who we're becoming. We scroll through other people's breakthroughs and let pieces of the shame creep in while we wonder why our journey still looks like chaos. But chaos doesn't mean you're failing; it's proof you're moving forward. It's the evidence of your progress. 

The Myth of the Glow-Up

The term "glow up" first entered pop culture in 2013, coined by rapper Chief Keef in his song Gotta Glo Up One Day, a clever play on "grow up." It caught on fast, becoming transformation shorthand for the "look at me now" moment after a struggle.

But somewhere along the way, the term lost its depth. What started as a declaration of becoming turned into a functional hashtag with no substance. The glow-up became a road to thousands of highlight reels of before-and-after photos that excluded the five a.m. workouts, skipped happy hours, or nights spent questioning if it was worth it that made the after possible.

And what did this do? It taught us that growth was easy, looked effortless, and that becoming didn't require breaking. But the truth? The glow comes only from the cracks.

Like the lotus that blooms through the mud, both darkness and light are required to bloom. The mud doesn't ruin the flower; it nourishes it. So if you're knee-deep in uncertainty, you're not behind. You're in the sacred part—the messy, necessary, utterly holy middle.

Shame, Silence, and the Myth of “Building in Private”

On the other side, you have a world that tells us to "build in private," as if privacy is power. But that advice assumes silence is a choice rather than a symptom of fear. Real safety isn't isolation — it's trust. If your circle can't hold your messy middle, you don't need to dream quieter; you need a stronger circle.

We're terrified of being seen mid-process, of admitting the plan didn't go as planned. But here's the truth: it never does. Growth isn't supposed to look tidy, and you're not meant to bloom on a deadline. You're meant to unfold in your own time.

When we hide our process, we also rob others of the reminder that mess is normal — that the breakdown isn't the opposite of becoming, it's the proof of it.

The Psychology of Becoming

Change isn't linear; it's cyclical. Psychologists James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente developed what’s known as the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, and it maps the six stages we move through whenever we try to evolve: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and — the one we'd rather not discuss — relapse.

Most of us are taught that growth should move cleanly from start to finish. But in reality, transformation loops. We begin again, and again, and again. Relapse isn't proof that you failed; it's evidence that you're still engaged in the process. It's okay to stumble, it's okay to fall, because every time you get back up, you're proving your resilience and commitment to your growth.

The moment you fall back into old habits isn't the end — it's an invitation to return with new awareness. When we understand that, shame loses its power. The mess stops being a moral flaw and becomes accepted as part of the transformation process.

The Power of Micro Wins

Big milestones get celebrated. But the micro wins? Those are the real revolutions.

The mornings you show up to your journaling practice. The boundary you actually keep—the moment you forgive yourself for needing rest. The day you resist the urge to compare yourself to others. These are the micro wins that often go unnoticed, but they are the real revolutions in your journey of growth.

We've been conditioned to measure growth in outcomes, not endurance. But every small act of self-trust — every "I'll try again" — is a quiet revolution. Every micro win is a crack of light through the mud. These small victories are not insignificant. They are the building blocks of your transformation, and they deserve to be celebrated.

So celebrate them because those small wins are the blueprint of change.

From Shame to Shared Growth

She EmpowHers was never built to teach women to glow up — it was built to hold women while they grow through. Your transformation should be witnessed, not hidden. Because when one woman shares her middle, she gives a thousand others permission to exhale.

Shared growth is about creating a safe space where we can learn from each other's experiences and support one another in our individual journeys of transformation.

You don’t need another plan. You need a place to practice. Join the waitlist and be part of the first 500 women building a new kind of growth — one that celebrates the mess, the micro wins, and the middle.